Archive for July, 2007

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This day last year (or something close to that)

July 22, 2007

This little project was inspired by a friend.

It’s really very simple, go to today on your post calendar and change the years to find out what you blogged about, and consequently what you were doing, this day for the past few years.

Except, I am not as consistent a blogger as some, so, here goes the closest posts that appear when I click on 22 July in 2006, 2005, 2004

2006- 22 July 2006: Found out about my grandma’s diagnosis. Almost one year on, her painful journey has finally ended. At that time, they only gave us three months.

2005- 21 July 2005: Extremely stressed out by school, or rather the thought of impending school. That life, of halls and internships and CCAs, seems like an eternity away now. But the friends are still dependable as ever.

2004- 16 July 2004: My last look at Germany during my internship stint over there. Three years on, I returned there on business, and took a weekend train ride to visit Munich. Plus, I just heard from my “notorious” lao ban. Her exact words were, “of course I know you, we still have your poster up in our office”. Dragon-lady apparently happily married and even sent me pictures of her husband and baby. Aww…

Doesn’t life work out in funny ways? (I am also really appalled by how whiny I am :p)

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Why didn’t you call me?

July 1, 2007

Candle for you 

I only just heard. It is really a coincidence that this is one of the first news I stumbled upon the moment I got connected after so many days without the Internet. WX had dropped me a comment entirely unrelated to this. I didn’t know she had set up a new blog either. Then I read her latest post, and was gripped by a sudden fear. Somehow I knew, and Googled his name.  

And I know this is the most cliche thing to say, that there were always the signs, that I have been meaning to catch up, that if only… Hindsight is always 50/50, I know, but regret is real. A month ago, I wrote a list of people to call and meet up with for no reason other than that everyone is caught up in their own lives. I had even thought out of the words to the SMS, the place to go (Siglap Gelare for half-priced waffles was always our excuse), but just could never find the right time and date (i.e. when I wasn’t too tired out from work, or when wasn’t feeling too lazy and that all I wanted to do was to lounge around with a DVD).

You may not believe me now, I swear it was the thought of him suddenly one evening on the way home from work that inspired me to write that list. I knew he always needed to know people cared, and I worried a little that six-months was a bit too long to be out of touch. I swear this is true, that I had wanted to check on him see if he was fine. I swear I even had the morbid premonition that it may already be too late.

But it wasn’t apparently.

Then.

That page in my journal with his name etched on it is proof of how inept a friend I have been. I know I probably shouldn’t give myself too much credit. Could I have even made a difference? Maybe… probably not. Maybe it wouldn’t have meant anything.

But I cannot absolve myself of this horrible gut-wreching guilt.

Everyone keeps saying how unbelievable this is, that no one could have seen it coming. But is it unbelievable? Not really. And that’s what makes it so terrible.

I wish you had called me. I am sorry.

And though it breaks my heart to say this, I hope that you have finally found your peace, my dear friend.

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